Stable of Horror
by SpongeBat1
Summary: An extremely overdue Halloween story. The Cutie Mark Crusaders tell scary stories at the Nightmare Night festival. Rated T for scary moments.
1. The Owl

**Author's Note:** **What's up, people? I understand that Halloween is a long ways off, but I had this idea**_**after**___**Halloween was over, and I needed to write it while the idea was fresh in my head. Besides, most**_**Treehouse of Horror**___**episodes air after Halloween. So if you want to be a troll, then I suggest you go away and find something to do other than hate on people. Otherwise, enjoy!**

**I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or The Simpsons. MLP is owned by Hasbro, Lauren Faust, and The Hub. Simpsons is owned by 20th Century Fox and Matt Groening.**

**YEARS AFTERWARD UPDATE: I had an idea for a story involving Rarity, so I'm changing the storyteller to Apple Bloom. Yes, I know this hasn't been updated in over two years, but fret not! It will continue… eventually.**

It was a crisp autumn evening in Ponyville, and ponies of all ages were enjoying themselves at the annual Nightmare Night festival. I could talk for hours about the festivities, the ponies who were attending, and what they were wearing, but I won't. Instead, let's take a look at three little fillies who just happened to be attending. These young fillies had yet to earn their cutie marks, a marking on their flank signifying one's special talent. As such, they called themselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "This is awesome!" proclaimed Scootaloo, an orange Pegasus with a purple mane who was dressed as a Splinter Cell troop. "I know!" said Sweetie Belle, a white unicorn with a lavender mane, who was dressed like a witch, "I've never seen so many ponies in costumes! Except, maybe, at last year's festival." "'An how!" spoke Apple Bloom, a light yellow Earth pony with a red mane and western drawl. She was dressed as the famous Wild West outlaw, Filly the Kid. "So, girls" she said, "Since we haven't gotten our cutie marks yet, I suggest we try to earn 'em here!" The other fillies agreed. "But how are we gonna' earn them?" asked Sweetie Belle, who was rather slow to catch on. "Maybe our special talent is telling _scary stories_!" chimed Scootaloo, putting extra emphasis on the last two words. "Yeah! Perfect!" cheered Apple Bloom "We're bound to get our cutie marks that way!" And so, the three fillies gathered at a picnic table near the pumpkin carving booth. "Who wants to go first?" asked Apple Bloom. Neither of her filly friends answered. "All right, Ah geuss I'll go first," said Apple Bloom "Ah'm gonna' read a poem I wrote in school," the filly announced "It's called _The Owl_."

(A/N: The following story is an adaption of _The Raven_ by Edgar Allan Poe. The narration will be in _italics_while text describing what is happening will be in regular formatting.)

The setting of our story is at Twilight's library, where Spike is sleeping on an armchair in a bathrobe.

_Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,_

_Over many a quaint and curios volume of forgotten lore,_

_While I nodded, fully napping, suddenly there came a tapping,_

_As someone gently rapping, rapping at my library door._

Spike opened his eyes halfway, rather groggy from being woken, quickly returns to his nap. "'Tis some visitor," he muttered, "Tapping at my library door. Only this, and nothing more." Spike yawned as he returned to his sleep.

_Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak November,_

_And each seperate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor._

_Eagerly I wished the morrow, vainly I had sought to borrow_

_From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore_

_For the rare and radiant maiden whom Celestia named Lenore_

_Nameless here for evermore._

Spike approaches a large painting of Rarity, with the words "Lenore" engraved below. "Oh, Lenore..." he moaned.

_And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each red curtain_

_Thrilled me, filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before_

_So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,_

"_'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my library door,_

_Some late visitor entreating entrance at my library door,_

_This it is, and nothing more."_

Spike is walking around in circles, nervousley repeating to himself, "'Tis some late visitor entreating entrance at my library door. Only this and nothing more."

_Presently my soul grew stronger_

_Hesitating then no longer_

Spike stops and calls out "Sir! Or Mare, or somepony somewhere, truly your forgivness I implore. But I was napping, and then you came rapping. And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my library door. That I scarce was sure I heard you." No answer. Spike opened the door, met with nothing.

_Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,_

_Doubting, dreaming dreams nopony has ever dared to dream before_

_But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,_

_And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!"_

_This I whispered and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"_

_Merely this, and nothing more._

Spike closes the door and walks back to the armchair nervously, saying "Surley, surley that is something at my window lattice. Let me see what this is, let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore." Spike stood still for a moment, the wind blowing gently against the window. With that, Spike said "'Tis the wind, and nothing more."

_Open here I flung the shutter,_

_When with many a flirt and flutter,_

_In there stepped a stately owl of the saintly days of yore_

Owlysious flies in and perches himself on the door

_Not the least gesture made he, not a minute stopped or stayed he,_

_But, with appearance of lord or lady, perched above my library door_

_Perched upon a bust of Faust just above my library door_

_Perched, and sat, and nothing more_

Spike just laughs. "I was afraid of an owl?" Spike chuckles and walks over to Owlysious. "Though you're crest looks like it was shorn by a towel, surley you are no fowl, ghastly grim and ancient owl wandering from the nightly shore, tell my what thy lordly name is on the night's Plutonian shore!" Quoth the owl, "Nevermore."

_But the owl, sitting lonely on the placid bust,_

_Spoke only that one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour._

_Nothing further then he uttered, not a feather then he fluttered_

Spike muttered, "Other friends have flown before, he'll leave tomorrow, as my hopes have flown before." Quoth the owl, "Nevermore."

_Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer_

_Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor_

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were carrying some big thing full of perfume, making Spike cough. "Wretch!" Spike cried "Thy Celestia hath lent thee, by these angels she hath sent thee. Respite and nepenthe from my memories of Lenore! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!" Quoth the owl, "Nevermore." Spike became enraged. "Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend!" he shrieked, upstarting "Get thee back into the tempest and the night's Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! Release the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!" Quoth the owl, "Nevermore!" "Okay, that does it!" Spike yelled, lunging at Owlysious. The owl simply flew up, causing Spike to hit the wall. As he fell to the ground, the bust of Alicorn Faust landed and shattered upon his head. Owlysious flew up near the top of one of the many bookcases. Spike followed on one of those ladder carts they have in librarys. Spike climbed up the ladder and avoided various books thrown by Owlysious. Spike lunged at the bird and missed, grabbing one of the bookcase shelves to save himself. He climbed the bookcase, avoiding a series of more books dropped by the darn owl. Owlysious, who had ran out of books on the top shelf, quickly wondered what to do, before being nabbed by Spike. "Gotcha!" Spike yelled. Owlysious resorted to pecking Spike's hand. Spike let go of the owl and fell to the ground, unconcious.

_And the owl, never flitting, to this day is still sitting,_

_Sitting on the broken bust of Faust just above my library door_

_And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming_

_And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor_

_And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor_

_Shall be lifted- nevermore!_

Sometime later, Twilight opened the door to the library. "Spike, I'm back from Canterlot!" she called. She gasped upon seeing that the library was a complete mess. She looked up and saw Owlysious. "What happened?" she asked herself. Owlysious then said "Nevermore." Twilight fainted from shock and exhaustion, while Owlysious creepily turned to the camera.


	2. Cupfake

**MWA HA HA HA! Surprise, mortals! I bet you thought you saw the last of me! You were wrong! As a Halloween treat, here's a long overdue update to this story. As for that Panty and Stocking story, it will be updated… eventually. I have an ending but I'm too lazy to write it.**

**Also, that story about Rarity was actually changed to be about Pinkie Pie. Whatever, I'll keep the change in storytellers.**

**This contains an adaptation of the SpongeBob episode Nasty Patty. SpongeBob belongs to Stephen Hillenburg/Nickelodeon/Viacom. I still own nothing else.**

"Well, what did ya think?" Apple Bloom beamed, finishing her story.

The filly's two companions simply stared in disbelief.

"Was that supposed to be scary?" Scootaloo asked sarcastically.

"Aw, come on!" Apple Bloom cried. "Not every scary story has to have monsters or skeletons or zombies or any of that macabre hoo-haw! That was supposed to be dark and thought-provoking."

"It provoked a thought for me, alright." Scootaloo replied. "The thought that your story stunk!"

"Oh yeah? Do ya'll suppose you can do better?" Apple Bloom challenged.

Scootaloo's eyes quickly darted around. "What about Sweetie Belle?" she asked. "I'm sure she has something!"

Sweetie Belle thought for a moment, and answered "I've got a story! Remember that time the health inspector visited Sugarcube Corner?"

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo briefly glanced at each other. "No…" Scootaloo answered.

"Don't they always pass with flyin' colors?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Usually," Sweetie Belle replied. "But not this time!"

"Oh yeah? When was that?" Scootaloo retorted.

The unicorn filly gave a sigh of annoyance. "Look, this is a story I'm making up!" she said. "It's not supposed to be accurate to real life!"

"Well, obviously," Apple Bloom answered. "Now what are ya waitin' for? Tell us!"

"I will!" Sweetie declared. "As long as you promise not to annoy me with dumb questions! Anyways, it was a bright and sunny morning…"

It was a lovely morning in Ponyville. It was a particularly slow day at Sugarcube Corner. Mrs. Cake had just put the twins down for a nap, Pinkie was sweeping up, and Mr. Cake was counting the profits from last week. However, the relatively calm silence was broken by a knock at the entrance. Mr. Cake suddenly shot up and took a deep breath in.

"That smells like… the health inspector!" he gasped.

Mr. Cake rushed into the kitchen and gathered the two mares he worked with.

"Honey, is something wrong?" Mrs. Cake asked her husband.

"Wash your hooves! Polish the windows! Take off your hats!" Mr. Cake cried. "The health inspector's here!"

Pinkie let out a loud gasp. "The health inspector?" she shrieked. "What's a health inspector?"

"He's the guy who makes sure everything here is healthy and non-hazardous." Mr. Cake explained. "If he finds one violation, he'll shut us down!"

"Oh, that's no reason to worry!" Pinkie smiled. "Sugarcube Corner is the most perfect, super-duperiest, most awesome place in the whole world!"

The Cakes just rolled their eyes and pushed Pinkie out the kitchen doors. "Just give him what he needs, and we'll be fine!" Mrs. Cake hurriedly explained.

Pinkie did a quick scan of the restaurant. The place was completely deserted. "Where is he?" she asked.

Mr. Cake facehoofed and whispered "He's outside! Now let him in! We've kept him waiting long enough! Now go! Go! Go!"

Mr. Cake scooted Pinkie to the front entrance and dashed back into the kitchen.

Pinkie Pie opened the door for the Cakes' important guest. In stepped a unicorn stallion with a dark blue coat, black mane, gray hat, and trench coat. In his saddlebag was a notebook and pencil.

"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!" Pinkie greeted cheerily. "The bestest, tastiest, healthiest place in Ponyville!"

"I'll be the judge of that," the inspector replied coldly. "You certainly took your time getting here."

"You know me, always fashionably late!" Pinkie beamed.

From the kitchen, Mr. Cake facehoofed again. "We're doomed…"

"So, what can I get ya?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, I'm going to need one of everything on the menu," the inspector answered levitating his notes out of his bag.

"Excellent choice!" Pinkie replied. "You'll get it right away!" With that, she dashed into the kitchen. "He wants one of everything!" she told her employers.

"Then let's give him a smorgasbord!" Mrs. Cake replied. "Remember, our future is at stake!"

The trio of Earth ponies rushed outside, trays of food in hand, surrounding the inspector.

"Try the Lemon Muffin Surprise!" Pinkie suggested, stuffing a muffin into the confused inspector's mouth.

"The Hayseed Salad is a taste of heaven!" Mrs. Cake encouraged, shoving a forkful of the stuff into the inspector's face.

"The Marzipan Meringue is exquisite!" Mr. Cake boasted, pushing a tray of it towards the inspector's face.

As the trio continued to barrage the inspector with excessive food samples, he interrupted them with a loud "Ponies, please!"

As Pinkie and the Cakes settled down, the inspector swallowed the large amount of food stuffed into his mouth. "Leave me to finish my work in peace!" With that, the trio retreated back to the kitchen. The inspector levitated a small piece of food from the table, ready to do his work.

Several minutes later, the inspector had gorged himself on just about everything the store had to offer. Pinkie approached him and asked "Did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?"

"So far, so good," the inspector replied, quickly jotting something down. "I just need to try a plain cupcake and my inspection will be complete."

Pinkie rushed back to the kitchen to tell the Cakes the news. "If he just gets a cupcake, he'll be done!" she beamed.

"Do you know what this means?" Mr. Cake exclaimed. "We're in the clear!" The trio then burst into a rousing victory dance, which was brought to an abrupt end by a noise from the TV, which had been left on for some reason.

"We interrupt this victory dance for an important news update," the anchor on TV announced. "Be on the lookout for a pony passing himself off as a health inspector in order to obtain free food. That's all for now."

The trio just stared in shock, before Mr. Cake started become uncharacteristically riled up. "FREE FOOD?!"

"Maybe we should tell him about the phony pony!" Pinkie suggested.

"You crazy Clydesdale, he is the phony pony!" Mr. Cake exclaimed.

"Honey, aren't you jumping to conclusions?" Mrs. Cake asked.

"Would you rather have our whole reputation tarnished with the possibility that we served someone under false pretenses?!" Mr. Cake cried. "We've been duped!"

"Duped?" Mrs. Cake asked, afraid her husband might be right.

"Bamboozled!" Mr. Cake replied.

"We've been McLarson'd!" Pinkie added.

"That's not even a word, and I agree!" Mr. Cake answered.

The three ponies peered over the counter at the supposed imposter as he started picking at his teeth.

"Look at him, I bet he never washes his mane." Mr. Cake sneered.

"I bet he bites parasprites." Pinkie scowled.

"I bet his mom bought him that hat!" Mrs. Cake mocked.

Mr. Cake grabbed a cupcake from the counter and a bottle of hot sauce. "If that fake wants a cupcake, then let's give him one!" he declared as a tiny drop of hot sauce fell onto the delicacy. "Honey, Pinkie, if you value your jobs, join me!"

"I don't know, that seems pretty mean…" Pinkie pondered. "Yet feels so good and seems so fun!" With that, she pulled out her "Gummy Oatmeal", a jar she kept around with contents unknown to even Pinkie herself. "Pour some of this on it!" she giggled. "It's the gnarliest stuff known to pony!" With that, she dumped a good chunk of the mysterious powder onto the cupcake.

"Hang on!" Mrs. Cake added. "I've got a jar of rotten apples in the back!"

"Oops, I dropped it in the toilet!" Pinkie snickered.

"Well fish it out, and I'll dry it with Pound's dirty diaper!" Mr. Cake called back.

Soon, their horrible creation was completed. Before their eyes was a pale, smelly, mushy, sludge-covered cupcake that had what looked like fungus growing on it.

"That's the most diabolical cupcake ever crafted!" Mr. Cake snickered.

"I call it the Cup-FAKE!" Pinkie chuckled. The trio soon let out a collective mischievous laugh.

"Hey! Hurry up with that cupcake!" the inspector called from the dining area.

Pinkie dashed up to his table impossibly fast and set down the cupcake. "Hereyouaresirenjoy!" she snickered before she ran back into the kitchen.

The inspector held up the obviously unhealthy treat without giving it a second thought. "Hello delicious. Come to papa!" he declared. Before he could even take a bite, a fly flew into his open mouth. The stallion dropped the cupcake and began to choke.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the Cakes and Pinkie were listening intently. "Did you hear that? He ate it!" Mr. Cake laughed. The trio peered out and saw the poor pony choking to death.

"Look at him choke!" Mrs. Cake laughed.

"Look at him suffer!" Pinkie exclaimed.

The inspector attempted to get to his feet, but slipped on the cupcake he had dropped. He konked his head on the table and fell to the floor, unconscious. At about that time, the fly making him choke flew out of his throat.

Back in the kitchen, Pinkie and the Cakes were laughing maniacally at the misfortune of the supposed fake. However, their mockery was soon halted by another TV bulletin.

"We interrupt your laughter at other people's expense to bring you this important news flash!" the anchor spoke. "The fake inspector has been captured. Here is his picture." The TV displayed the photo of a pony with a brown coat and a beard. "If a health inspector comes to your restaurant and he's not this guy, he's real."

The Cakes simply stared in shock and fear while Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief. "Boy, that was a close one!" she sighed. "I'm sure if we explain everything to the inspector, he'll understand. Then we can have a good laugh and throw a party to celebrate passing the inspection!"

The Cakes and Pinkie peered over the counter again. "I don't think there will be any parties, Pinkie." Mr. Cake shuddered. "Because that cupcake killed him!"

The trio screamed in horror at the revelation. They checked the inspector's body again for a quick second, then continued screaming.

"What are we gonna do?" Pinkie panicked.

"What's this 'we' stuff?" Mr. Cake snapped. "You fed him the cupcake!"

"But you told me to give it to him!" Pinkie replied.

"Well, you could have talked us out of it!" Mrs. Cake explained.

Pinkie let the fact that this whole fiasco could be her fault sink in for a moment. "You're right, Mrs. Cake," she finally spoke. "I'm guilty. I'll never survive in prison! They'll mop up the floor with me!"

Mr. Cake grabbed Pinkie in a panic. "Get a hold of yourself! Everything will be fine!" he reassured. "We just need to get rid of the body. We need to take it out and bury it!"

Later that night, Pinkie and the Cakes were walking down the outskirts of Ponyville. Mr. Cake had a shovel in hoof while Pinkie followed, dragging the dead inspector behind her.

"This is so icky!" Pinkie cried. "He's all yucky and dead and corpse-y! I can't even think of a song to lift my spirits!"

Soon, the trio had reached the top of Glue Hill. "This should be far enough." Mr. Cake said, handing Pinkie the shovel. "Now let's get digging!"

Pinkie immediately started digging, but she was quickly stopped. A loud clang came from inside the small hole.

"What's the hold up?" Mrs. Cake asked.

"There's a really big rock here!" Pinkie answered.

"Well, toss it out and keep digging!" Mr. Cake ordered.

"Can do!" Pinkie hollered back. Soon, a large rock came flying out of the hole.

Meanwhile, the inspector was just starting to regain consciousness. "Ugh, what happened?" he stammered. However, he was quickly knocked back out after a rock had hit him in the cranium.

Soon, the hole had been dug, and the inspector buried. Almost. "Something isn't right…" Mr. Cake observed.

"What is it?" Pinkie asked.

"His head's sticking out!" Mr. Cake replied.

"Sorry, I just thought he might need some air." Pinkie explained as she covered the head with more dirt.

"They don't need air where he's going…" Mrs. Cake replied grimly.

"Can we at least give him some last words?" Pinkie asked.

"I suppose…" Mr. Cake answered. "He was a credit to health inspectors everywhere, and…"

"WHAT A BRAVE STALLION! GOING IN THE LINE OF DUTY LIKE THAT!" Pinkie wailed. "WHY? WHY DO THEY DIE YOUNG?" Pinkie's crying was quickly stopped when Mr. Cake grabbed her.

"Listen, Pinkie," he explained. "Nopony, and I mean NOPONY can ever know about this. It'll be the end of you, it'll be the end of my wife, and it'll be the end of me. But worst of all, it'll be the end of me!"

However, the ponies were quickly caught by surprise when a bright light was flashed on them.

"Stop right where you are!" a voice spoke. Right across from them was a police cruiser with Lyra and Bon Bon at the wheel, the latter of which was also holding the flashlight. **(A/N: Yes, there are cars in Equestria and Lyra and Bon Bon are cops now. Don't think about it too hard.)**

"I'm afraid we're gonna have to arrest you three!" Bon Bon declared.

Pinkie grabbed onto Mr. Cake's head in fear. "Mr. Cake, I'm too young to go to jail!" she cried.

Mr. Cake grabbed Pinkie and set her on the ground. "And what would be the charges?" he asked nonchalantly.

Bon Bon flicked off the flashlight and set it down in the car. Her angry demeanor instantly changed to a friendlier one as she answered "For not being at Sugarcube Corner to whip us up some delicious cupcakes!"

Both Lyra and Bon Bon erupted in laughter. Pinkie and the Cakes soon joined them, but with incredibly nervous and awkward laughter. Lightning flashed in the distance as it began to rain.

Meanwhile, at the top of the hill, the rain was washing away the dirt covering the health inspector, who slid motionlessly down the hill.

"Put that muddy shovel in the trunk and we'll give you a ride back!" Lyra offered.

The trio opened the trunk as Pinkie set the shovel down.

"Now listen, Pinkie, we're just getting a ride back to Sugarcube Corner." Mrs. Cake explained, trying to calm Pinkie's nerves. "I need you to stay calm and not go bonkers."

Pinkie glanced down, then back up. "Can I go bonkers now?" she asked.

"Why?" Mrs. Cake asked.

Pinkie pointed down, gesturing towards the inspector's body, which was now at their feet. They all screamed in terror.

"Put him in the trunk!" Mr. Cake hurriedly ordered. "We'll keep the cops busy!"

"Hey, what's going on back there?" Bon Bon called out. The Cakes quickly rushed to the front of the car to stall her.

"Oh, Celestia…" Pinkie groaned, carrying the inspector. "Just get away!" With that, Pinkie quickly shoved the body into the trunk, grabbing some disinfectant from nowhere and spraying herself all over. The inspector was about to get back up again, before Pinkie slammed the trunk shut, knocking him out again.

"Okay, all done." Pinkie said. "Nothing unusual about a muddy shovel in the trunk! Ha ha ha!" The Cakes and police simply stared as Pinkie opened the door to the back seats.

"Well, we're all set!" Mr. Cake said. However, Pinkie was clearly still scared, as evidenced by her just sliding motionlessly into her seat.

"Is she okay?" Lyra asked.

"Oh, she just gets carsick really easy!" Mrs. Cake fibbed, putting an arm around Pinkie.

"Well buckle up and we'll drive real smooth-like." Bon Bon replied. And with that, she slammed on the gas.

"Now listen, Pinkie," Mr. Cake explained, trying to sound as innocent as possible. "When we get back to Sugarcube Corner, I want you to take that 'shovel', bring it around to the back entrance, and stuff- I mean, stow it in the freezer. Understand?"

"Oh, I understand perfectly." Pinkie replied. "But what about the bo-?"

Mr. Cake quickly slammed a hoof over Pinkie's mouth. "-TTLES OF CIDER! Bottles of cider, same thing, put 'em in the freezer!" he interrupted in a panic.

The two officers just stared at the trio, as they began to laugh nervously.

Back at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie was dragging the inspector's body around the back. "I'm gonna need EIGHT showers after this!" she winced. Pinkie finally reached the back entrance and pushed on the door. "It's locked!" she gasped. She glanced around nervously, wondering how she'd be able to get out of this one.

Meanwhile, back inside, the cops and Cakes were laughing about something that was probably stupid. Pinkie walked through the front doors with an abnormally large ten-gallon hat.

"Hey Pinkie, nice hat!" Mrs. Cake complimented.

"What are you doing?" Mr. Cake asked. "I thought you were out back taking care of that SHOVEL?"

"Well, the back door was locked, so I decided to use the front." Pinkie explained. "Now, I need to go put my hat in the freezer." With that, she tried walking to the back, having trouble keeping balance.

"Okey-dokey-Loki!" Mr. Cake answered nervously, miming one of Pinkie's own phrases.

"Is that mare okay?" Bon Bon asked.

"Yeah, she's acting kinda funny." Lyra added.

"Well, of course she's funny!" Mrs. Cake laughed nervously. "She's a real card! Good one, Pinkie! You always know how to lift our spirits! Never change your funny drive!"

As Pinkie was wobbling around, her hat fell off onto the ground. In a panic, Mr. Cake slammed a hoof on the cash register, grabbed all the bits inside, and shoved them in the police mares' faces.

"I just remembered, it's open cash register night!" he stammered. "The first two customers get all the bits in the cash register!"

As Pinkie dragged her hat into the kitchen, Bon Bon got a call on her walkie-talkie. She pulled it out and held it up to her ear.

"86 those sweets, Cakes," she explained. "We just got a call about two ghouls burying a stiff over by Firefly Road."

"I want a soda!" Lyra complained, before instantly being handed one by Mrs. Cake.

"Here's your soda! Always a pleasure to help a thirsty pony!" she said. "Well, goodbye!"

"Hey, there's no ice!" Lyra complained, opening the lid.

"Ice? Is that what you want? You want ice? Is that what you want? Ice?" Mrs. Cake stammered as she and her husband were shaking in fear. Pinkie soon slid next to them.

"The dark deed you requested is done, sirs," she said flatly.

"I'll get it myself." Lyra said, approaching the freezer. "You have ice in the freezer, right?"

The Cakes quickly rushed in front of the freezer door, blocking the way in.

"There is no ice!" Mr. Cake cried. "There's never been any ice! Ice is just a myth!"

"Step aside," Lyra demanded. "You people act like you've committed a murder."

The Cakes and Pinkie were trembling with fear, until Mr. Cake suddenly blurted out "Okay, I confess! Pinkie killed him!"

"What?" Pinkie exclaimed. "You can't pin this whole rap on me!"

"She was insane! Out of control!" Mrs. Cake cried. "She would have killed us too if you hadn't come along!"

"It was all Mr. Cake's idea!" Pinkie shrieked, pointing at her employers.

"Put her down now! She's a mad dog!" Mrs. Cake yelled, grabbing onto Lyra.

"HE WEARS CURLERS TO BED!" Pinkie screamed. Mrs. Cake glanced angrily at her husband, who was now at Lyra's knees.

"Wait! It's not what you think!" Mr. Cake tried to explain.

"What are you even talking about?" Lyra asked.

"We killed the health inspector!" Mr. Cake cried. "Buried him and then stuffed his body in the freezer!"

"You mean in here?" Lyra asked, opening the door, only to see the freezer was completely bare.

"Huh?" Mr. Cake stammered.

"It's empty!" Mrs. Cake exclaimed.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Lyra asked as she and Bon Bon gave the trio an angry look.

"Yeah, a joke!" Mr. Cake laughed. Pinkie let out a small giggle.

Lyra and Bon Bon's faces of scorn instantly turned to ones of amusement.

"Hey, maybe he turned into a zombie and walked out!" Lyra chuckled. Soon, everyone in the room erupted with laughter. A laughter that was soon ended by a ghoulish moaning. The door swung open as a pony covered in dirt with tattered clothes entered the room, groaning in agony.

"IT'S THE ZOMBIE!" Pinkie shrieked.

The figure turned on the lights, revealing him to be the still alive inspector. "You guys should-"

"TAKE THAT, YOU ZOMBIE!" Bon Bon shrieked, hitting the inspector with a barrel.

"I'll take it from here." Lyra said, before hitting the poor stallion with an anvil. "DIE ZOMBIE!"

"Good police work, Officer Heartstrings!" Bon Bon added. The two officers then looked down and saw that the pony they had beaten was still alive.

"Hey, this guy's not a zombie, he's an ordinary health inspector!" Bon Bon exclaimed.

"Yes!" the inspector replied semi-consciously. "And at the risk of being hit again, I'd like to present you with this." He levitated a notebook with the word "pass" on the current page.

"Look, guys! We passed the inspection!" Pinkie beamed.

Everyone in the room let out a group "Hooray!"

"Come on, everyone!" Mr. Cake called as everyone filed out of the freezer. "Let's celebrate with some cupcakes!"

"Oh boy, I'd like a cupcake!" the health inspector stammered, before the door was slammed in his face.

And thus ends our tale. Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they?


End file.
